ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL

The Sad Saga of Calvin and Hobbes, and his Doomed Snowmen

1. Big Trees

2. Ready, aim…

3. Surgery

4. Snow Cone

5. Hard Work and Originality

6. Well-adjusted

7. Snow Sharks

8. Psychologist

9. Townsfolk

10. Bowling

If Reading Makes you Smart...... (Brian Regan)

"Lofty" Experiences

What a strange morning this has been.  It's moving day in the Duffer household---so many details to attend to, things to finish up, phone calls to make.  And it's already been a very, very strange night.

After driving to the local gas station at 3 AM and picking up a 60 year old lady hitchhiker (that's another story for another time) I proceeded to make my way back home in order to complete my packing tasks.

It was time to tackle the loft.

See, we have a fantastic loft in this garage.  It has held Christmas and Winter clothes, photo albums and baseball cards.  But in the middle of the night, I decided it was finally time to take inventory and make sure things were labeled for the move.

Now, I am not one that is afraid of heights.  I love heights, the higher the better.  However I am one that God has not seen fit to dole out balance nor physical grace to.  I am a clydesdale living in a thoroughbred's world.

I easily climbed our very tall, very shaky A-Frame ladder and maneuvered my way onto the loft.  YES!  It held me! (Up until now, I've only sent children up there to do my bidding).  I labeled and sorted, labeled and sorted, until the contents of the loft were move ready.

I made my way back to the ladder.  Slowly I inched myself over the edge, searching for the first rung of the ladder.  (For further information, see my post on falling off of a horse.  I was not going to make THAT mistake this time).

But alas, my foot did not find purchase.  I was unable to get my body to bend at the angle necessary in order to descend the ladder.  What now, Reepicheep??

My children were all in the house, sound asleep.  But in a futile attempt to save myself, I pounded on the wall of the garage.  I hoped that one would hear and come to their mother's rescue.  Nope.  No one was stirring, not even a mouse. (I saw plenty of spiders stirring though)

What was I to do?  I knew men's Tuesday Morning breakfast at the church would begin at 6, but I also knew that I could yell and yell "Help!" and the likelihood of one of them hearing and coming to my aid was slim to none.  There was no way to jump.  And the ladder stood there and mocked me, with it's bent rungs and unstable legs.

But, least you think that I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box, I had an epiphany.  If I turned the dang ladder around, I'd probably be able to step out to it and climb down safely.  I am nothing if not brilliant.

So, I mustered my strength, picked up the ladder and spun it around.  Success.  Now would the shaky thing hold me as I stepped WAY out to it?

I know, the anticipation is killing you.

Well, silly obviously I made it down and lived to write this tale.
I promise you, these things only happen to me.

Inspiration for the Uninspired - StumbleUpon

One of my favorite parts of Saturday Night Live used to be "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey". Here's a whole list of deep thoughts......but they are probably only funny to someone with as warped of a sense of humor as I have.

Inspiration for the Uninspired - StumbleUpon

So many close calls in one day.......

I have decided that if I make it to the end of this day without being in an accident, or the cause of an accident, then I shall consider the day to be a success.
Sent from my iPhone

Officially Creeped Out

It's 12:30 AM and I hear music.  I don't know where it is coming from.
It's not my computer, it's not my phone.  I've checked each of the kid's rooms.
It sounds like it is coming from outside.  Either I have officially succombed to insanity, or someone is outside of the parsonage.

And there is no one to investigate but me.  So, off I go to investigate and find the source of this creepy music.  If I add no more updates to this entry, then someone please take note that I want to be cremated, no memorial service, and I don't care where my ashes end up.

Update:  Found it.  Tore room apart looking for the source.  Ends up it was my phone, in Ipod mode, in the pocket of my jeans, playing Casting Crowns.  Only me.

TomTom hires Darth Vader for it's navigational voice

Darth Vader GPS recording session @ Yahoo! Video

I Need to Start a Blog Feature Titled "Things That Only Happen to Our Family"

Last night, as part of our "School's Out-We Made It" celebration, we loaded up in our car and drove to the Yorktown Battlefields, armed with a trunkful of bats and badminton rackets to attack lightening bugs with.  There are not many things that are more fun, then swinging wildly at lightening bugs and watching their lights shatter into pieces and go flying through the air.  I suppose that would qualify as "Cruelty to Animals".  But dang, it is fun.


When we pulled off to the side of Surrender Road, the battlefield was full of at least 20-30 deer.  Keli had her camera, so she crawled out the driver side window and crept along the fence line to try to get some pictures.  We silently waited in the car so as not to spook the deer.  About halfway down the battlefield, Keli turned and looked back at the car.  I knew instantly what she was going to do.  She's always wanted to run with the deer.  Sure enough, she took off in a dead sprint, and chased those deer clear across the field and into the woods.  So funny to watch.


We deployed then to wreck some havoc on the firefly population, but alas, within minutes of unloading our arsenal, along came a ranger who kicked us out.  What must he have thought, seeing us pulling all those bats out of the trunk??  I think Mark was already on the attack---from the road it appeared as if he was swinging at, um, nothing but air.


As we drove home, Keli discovered her cell phone was missing.  Not good.  We knew she must have dropped it during her terror filled (for the deer) romp across the battlefield.  Being good, law-abiding citizens--except I think that it may be a misdemeanor to chase the deer, hmmm---we decided we would just have to wait until the morning to find her phone.


So, at about 8:00 this morning, Keli, Bethany and I made our return visit to the fields, full of confidence that we would find the missing phone.  However, as we pulled off the road at our exact location from the night before, we saw a sight that made our hearts stop.


The battle field of last night, resplendent in it's tall, waving grass, had been mohawked down to nothing.  The grass had been cut.  And there, back by the tree line, was the offending machine--a green John Deere Tractor pulling the largest farm mowing implement behind it.


Keli and I stared at each other, our jaws dropped.  And then, I just couldn't help it, though I tried.  I started giggling, and then chuckling, and then laughing hysterically.  Keli's reaction was "Mom, this is NOT funny."  But then, she too, couldn't help but see the hilarity of the moment.  Because, really, how often do they actually cut the dang battlefields?  Of course, it would be the morning after my girl had lost her phone.


We decided to look anyway.  I pulled myself together and tried to get serious.  Actually, I sobered up pretty quickly because I began to figure out what the actually cost was going to be, to replace her phone and I wondered how long it would take us to cover the entire battlefield, as the sun continued to rise along with the heat.  There was no way we were going to find it, and if we did, I was certain it would be in shattered blue pieces.


We had only been walking about 5 minutes, when Keli said "Let's angle across the field, this is where I started running last night".  As we turned to cut diagonally, it wasn't but 2 minutes later that Keli found her phone.  No Joke.  In One Piece.  With 13 text messages and one missed call.


Obviously the tractor had passed over the phone, because there is a long scratch on the screen plus some scarring on the case.  But it still is operational.  Even the touch screen.


To wrap up our adventure, my brilliant (blonde) girl made the following statement to me.  The one missed call last night was from my phone, we had called it in hopes that it had fallen somewhere in the car.  As we got into our car to return home with the battlescarred phone she said:


"Mom, just think.  When you tried to call my phone last night, and all the bugs were settled around it in the grass, can you imagine their reaction?  If they've seen the movie Transformers, they must have been terrified when my phone rang."


My response:  "Keli, bugs don't go to movies."

Oh, so funny---Bob Newhart cracks Dean Martin Up

Best part of the clip.......he speaks about Iowa.  And Cheese Dip.