At the Car Wash..........

How do I get myself into these situations.

I needed to pick my daughter up from school today, but had about 30 minutes to spare between finishing up eating lunch with my son for his birthday at his school, and the time I had arranged to pick up my daughter.  I decided that I would use that time wisely, to vacuum the assortment of fall leaves and pine needles out my vehicle.  That, in and of itself, is a shock.  However, our college and career pastor and some of his students had recently detailed my van for me.  Clean.  I mean beyond clean.  I'm talking "New Vehicle Clean", complete with "New Vehicle Smell".  As a result, I have become neurotic about keeping my van clean.  Ask my children. Neurotic. Control Freak.  Do not Mess Up My Van.

So, I pulled into that cheap car wash, next to that expensive one that shall remain unnamed.  I thought I would have to scrounge for enough quarters to run the industrial sized vacuum.  When I investigated the ashtray, lo and behold, there was a plethora of quarters.  I like that word, plethora.  And I particularly like it when it is associated with quarters.  Upon doing the math (admittedly, a stretch upon my intellect, particularly today), I discovered that, not only could I vacuum the car, I could wash it to.....feed that neuroticism, feed that neuroticism.

I pulled into the car wash lane, and fed the machine my quarters, opting for the cheapest and quickest wash.  Pulling the car into the bay, I followed the instructions, "Stopping" when the sign that read "Stop" blinked "Stop".  Oooo, I was proud of myself, I usually overshoot it, causing the "BackUp" light to come on.  I was at the top of my driving game.  The soap machine promptly began coating my windshield in suds, obstructing my view as it turned to do the same down the side of my vehicle.  This entire time, my mind was engaged in some heavy duty thinking.  My mind was occupied.  My mind was firing rapidly on all cylinders.  I was rearranging thoughts in my mind, on the board that I see in my mind.  I was making good sorting progress when, very rudely, my mind was interrupted with a bump, and then a shudder of the car.  And then silence.

"Hmmm, that was strange," went my mind, which then immediately returned to it's bookmarked spot in thought processing.  However, after several more minutes of thinking, it occured to me that it was.....still quiet.  It was still silent.  Shouldn't this marvel of a machine have completed the soap cycle by now and begun to rinse?

I start to peer around and assess the situation.  I am afraid to open the door and step out because, what if the water starts again, or worse yet, the soap?  I crane my neck around to see if I can figure out where the little arm went that distributes the soap.  I try to look around for an emergency phone number I can call to say "Hey, I'm stuck in your dumb car wash, can you reset it like a bowling lane?"  I look behind me to see if there are cars waiting, and through my clear back window, I see an SUV with a guy in it, talking on his cell phone.  Through my clear back window.  My clear back window.  Abnormally clear.

Abnormally clear because, there is no back window there.  Upon second glance..yes.  My hatch was open.  All the way.  And, to complicate matters, that little soap dispensing arm I spoke about?  It is now stuck, hung up on my hatch.  Yep, yep, yep.

I don't know what to do.  Is the guy in the SUV talking to his buddy, saying "This dumb woman in front of me is stuck in the carwash with her hatch open!!"  Why won't he get out of his vehicle and help me?  What am I going to do?  If I pull forward, will the soap and water start spraying into my vehicle as I drive away?  Have I busted the car wash?  What does one of those soap distributing arm things cost anyway? 

 I am nothing but brilliant, but I fall short on common sense.  I call my friend Aimee to ask her to look up the carwash place so that I can call someone to turn off the car wash, so I can get out and shut my hatch without getting covered in soap or water.  By now, I am laughing hard so hard, I know I'm going to need a bathroom soon.  It's always wise to get an objective viewpoint, because she promptly tells me, (you idiot) crawl to the back and pull the hatch down.  Ah, that's a great idea.  So, in clear view of Mr. SUV man, I crawl back to the back, lean WWWAAAAYYYY out there, and grab the handle and pull.  Doesn't budge.  Cuss.  Do I pull harder and risk tumbling out or breaking the machine, or do I slink back to the front and call 911. "Hello, this is 911, what's your emergency?"   Never one to give up, I try again, with everything I've got.  I do not believe in a Santa Claus God.  This is a jam that I got myself into, I certainly did not deserve or expect divine assistance.  But I will sheepishly admit, I did pray "Um, could use a bit of assistance here".  The hatch, on the second try, slammed shut.  I fairly threw myself back to the front, back into the driver's seat.  The water did not begin again, the soap did not begin again.  I was out of there.

Except, by now, said soap had dried to an oily mixture, caked onto my windshield and door window.  I was driving blind.  Not a problem, run the windshield wash.  Problem: no fluid.  No problem, run the windshield wipers dry.  Growing up in Iowa, I was an expert at driving with only the barest amount of ice scraped off of my windshield because I was too impatient to scrape the whole blasted thing in minus 10 degree weather.  I've got skills.  The windshield scraped just enough of the soap gunk off that I could see enough, to make my get away.  I promptly stopped at a home in Edge Hill that I'd recently stayed at, where I knew I would find a water hose readily available to rinse off the windshield.

Rest assured, this evening I staked out the car wash to observe whether or not the machine was broken.  Much to my relief, I observed it in use, functioning well, so I will not have to worry over that all weekend.  Sadly, though, I'm out $5.00 and my car is still dirty.  But there are no leaves or pine needles in my car.